Deep Listening, Deep Learning
Hey Friends! This is Dixon and welcome to another episode of Outloud With Dixon where we explore wisdom, get creative, and better appreciate this fun, chaotic, and beautiful world that we live in.
Today we will be hearing the third and final passage of Siddhartha, and I hope through the vehicle of my voice you’ve gotten a sense as to why this is one of my favorite books of all time. We’ve joined Siddhartha on his spiritual and all too human journey from childhood into adulthood and now adulthood into wisdom. And his journey is also our own; our decision to more closely investigate our personal experience, and our decision to embrace challenge grounded in the belief that in growing as individuals we grow in our ability to help others.
And with today’s passage like with every reading I have the difficult task of choosing from an entire book, especially one as rich and beautifully written as this one, the difficult task of choosing a single passage, and then again choosing a single theme or message from that passage. You see we could dilly dally with a bunch of ideas, scratch the surface on a few, and be on our merry way. But that’s not really my style, I’m much more keen on choosing a single message, a single point of focus and really digging deep, really internalizing its message and seeing its practical value for my life.
And today’s message is spectacular, and is arguably one of the most important that we’ve covered up to this point. It’s a skill that helps us align with our internal compass, our values, and also have an intimate connection with our loved ones.
When I was in school I was an active member of toastmasters on campus, a public speaking club, and I went in with the intent of becoming a better speaker, becoming more articulate, maybe even learning some tricks to be more charming, and while I wasn’t fully aware of it at the time, sitting there during other people’s speeches, paying attention to them as best I could so as to be respectful, I was really developing an even more profound skill. And that skill is the focus of today’s reading.
And I can practically hear you Leaning in saying okay what’s the skill! What is this message your talking about?? Come on and tell us already!
Okay here it is…
The focus of today’s reading is becoming a better listener. Not through tips and tricks on how to make someone think you’re listening, but really listening. Being fully in the present moment with yourself and the person you are in communication with.
In an interview with mother Teresa, a reporter asks her what’s she says to God when she prays and she replied that she doesn’t say anything, she just listens, and when asked what God says to her, she said nothing, god just listens”
Both listening. Both creating space for each other.
If you want to become a better listener, join me and listen in as we dive into the 3rd and final passage of Siddhartha.
Vasudeva listened with great attention. Listening carefully, he let everything enter his mind, birthplace and childhood, all that learning, all that searching, all joy, all distress. This was among the ferryman’s virtues one of the greatest: like only a few, he knew how to listen.
Without him having spoken a word, the speaker sensed how Vasudeva let his words enter his mind, quiet, open, waiting, how he did not lose a single one, awaited not a single one with impatience, did not add his praise or rebuke, was just listening.
Siddhartha felt, what a happy fortune it is, to confess to such a listener, to bury in his heart his own life, his own search, his own suffering.
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For a long time, the wound continued to burn. Many a traveller Siddhartha had to ferry across the river who was accompanied by a son or a daughter, and he saw none of them without envying him, without thinking: “So many, so many thousands possess this sweetest of good fortunes — why don’t I? Even bad people, even thieves and robbers have children and love them, and are being loved by them, all except for me.” Thus simply, thus without reason he now thought, thus similar to the childlike people he had become.
Differently than before, he now looked upon people, less smart, less proud, but instead warmer, more curious, more involved. When he ferried travellers of the ordinary kind, childlike people, businessmen, warriors, women, these people did not seem alien to him as they used to: he understood them.
He understood and shared their life, which was not guided by thoughts and insight, but solely by urges and wishes, he felt like them.
Though he was near perfection and was bearing his final wound, it still seemed to him as if those childlike people were his brothers, their vanities, desires for possession, and ridiculous aspects were no longer ridiculous to him, they became understandable, became lovable, even became worthy of veneration to him.
The blind love of a mother for her child, the stupid, blind pride of a conceited father for his only son, the blind, wild desire of a young, vain woman for jewelry and admiring glances from men, all of these urges, all of this childish stuff, all of these simple, foolish, but immensely strong, strongly living, strongly prevailing urges and desires were now no childish notions for Siddhartha any more,
he saw people living for their sake, saw them achieving infinitely much for their sake, travelling, conducting wars, suffering infinitely much, bearing infinitely much, and he could love them for it, he saw life, that what is alive, the indestructible, the Brahman in each of their passions, each of their acts. Worthy of love and admiration were these people in their blind loyalty, their blind strength and tenacity. They lacked nothing, there was nothing the knowledgeable one, the thinker, had to put him above them except for one little thing, a single, tiny, small thing: the consciousness, the conscious thought of the oneness of all life.
Slowly blossomed, slowly ripened in Siddhartha was the realisation, the knowledge of what wisdom actually was, what the goal of his long search was.
It was nothing but a readiness of the soul, an ability, a secret art to think every moment, while living his life, the thought of oneness, to be able to feel and inhale the oneness.
Slowly this blossomed in him, was shining back at him from Vasudeva’s old, childlike face: harmony, knowledge of the eternal perfection of the world, smiling, oneness.
Siddhartha listened. He was now nothing but a listener, completely concentrated on listening, completely empty, he felt that he had now finished learning to listen. Often before he had heard all this, these many voices in the river. Today it sounded new.
Already, he could no longer tell the many voices apart, not the happy ones from the weeping ones, not the ones of children from those of men, they all belonged together, the lamentation of yearning and the laughter of the knowledgeable one, the scream of rage and the moaning of the dying ones, everything was one, everything was intertwined and connected, entangled a thousand times.
And everything together, all voices, all goals, all yearning, all suffering, all pleasure, all that was good and evil, all of this together was the world. All of it together was the flow of events, was the music of life.
And when Siddhartha was listening attentively to this river, this song of a thousand voices, when he neither listened to the suffering nor the laughter, when he did not tie his soul to any particular voice and submerged his self into it, but when he heard them all, perceived the whole, the oneness, then the great song of the thousand voices consisted of a single word, which was Om: the perfection.
Alright and we are back! My favorite part of reading this book has been recording the Oms. It’s a good little reminder to not take myself so seriously. I also love this character and friend Vasudeva, I mean talk about an ideal role model, the ideal listener, someone we can learn from and emulate. He’s fully present with his friend, calm and non-judging.
To quote the book he smiles back at Siddhartha with his “old, childlike face.” On its surface an oxymoron, how can he be old and childlike at the same time? He’s bringing the wisdom of his experience and the curiosity of a child. Vasudeva isn’t trying to solve Siddhartha’s problem.
And this is the lesson I work to exercise in my life: that I don’t need to solve someone’s problem! In the past I’d listen to a friend, and while they were talking I would analyze what needed to happen, how they needed to change in order for their problem to no longer exist. It was all in an effort to help them, to help my friend who was confiding in me, but also on a very real level this effort to “fix” someone was really just me trying to hold onto an identity as someone with the answers. Me trying to reinforce in my friends brain the image that I was intelligent, that I could solve their problem, and that I was worthy of their admiration. In short it was still all about me.
And sure, active listening techniques can work wonders, you know the list: nodding along in agreement, giving them a touch on the knee to feel safe, rephrasing their statements into questions to prove that you’re listening, making eye contact and holding it, but not for too long because that’s weird. These things work, but they are more suited for a job interview or a first date.
But you know what’s even better? Our full attention, our full focus. Our focus is extremely powerful, and when its expressed 100% into another person they can feel it. The opposite is true too, have you ever tried to share a special story or a stressful event with someone and they are on their phone? Sure, they nod along, but you can feel that they don’t really care, that you aren’t a priority.
When you give someone your full attention you don’t need those other techniques, you just listen. You don’t feel the need to solve their problem too boost your own self-esteem, you just listen. And it is amazing what this will do, it is pure magic how much healing and insight a person will get just with the room to talk, the room to expand without the fear of judgement.
So let us practice this magic, lets create this spaciousness for ourselves. Whatever you are doing, whether its driving or cooking or working out or getting ready for bed, use this next 20 seconds to listen, to let go and release the need to solve everything. Maybe we hear our breathing. Maybe we feel our shoulders relax or our jaw loosen. No judgement, just being and listening. Enjoy.
So how did that feel? Again, thank you for joining me for this week’s episode of Siddhartha. Next week we will be starting with a new book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, maybe you’ve heard of it.
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And most importantly remember,
Live with Presence Confidence and Love
